Dear Cheryl,
I got married a few months ago. It’s a second marriage for both of us. My husband and I dated for a year. Everything was wonderful, and I thought we had the best relationship ever. When we dated, my husband liked spending time with me, was very romantic and attentive. I glowed.
The moment we moved in together, everything changed. He turned into a couch potato, and now I feel ignored and abandoned. I told him I need to feel loved and wanted. I feel neither. When I initiate intimacy, he rejects me. When I sit by him, he gets up. When I kiss him, he moves away.
I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have to beg for love and attention. I no longer believe that my husband loves me. If you love someone, you want to spend time with her. If you love someone, she can feel it. My husband tells me he loves me, but words are cheap.
For a while I blamed myself for being too needy and concentrating on the negative. I saw two therapists. They couldn’t help me, but they made me realize I’m not the one with the problem and that what I want is perfectly natural. But, I still blame myself. I think I’m not good enough or pretty enough and that my body is ugly and I’m boring.
I love my husband more than anything, and I want this marriage to work. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. WHAT HAPPENED?
Dear WHAT HAPPENED?
A little easing up of the mushy stuff is pretty normal after marriage, but what’s going on in your house is way beyond that. You need to tell your husband that you won’t live with his indifference and that the two of you need to get into therapy immediately. This isn’t something you can work on on your own. You both have to be committed to making each other happy or else you need to go your separate ways. Good luck and please stay in touch.